As you all know (it’s talk of the town, afterall) Quarry has been pretty much shut for about a month. What you’re all probably wondering is, why? As the Quarry blogger, it is my duty to keep you updated with what your local music venue has been up to, what refurbishments are taking place, and why. It’s only fair that if you spend your time and money here, you understand what's truly going on.
Firstly, the gun machine has been removed from the green room. Everyone who has played at Quarry knows that the trouble with the green room is the large machine with automatic rifles nailed onto that Jack has been creating. It's a passion project, fairplay mate, but too many artists have been accidentally shot and killed now for it to be justifiable. It’s been moved to Fort Knox, where it belongs.
Also, there’s been garden renovations. HUGE ones. The smoking area is now simply one large hedge maze. It’s imperative that you leave a trail of breadcrumbs if you enter it, because it’s like the one in Harry Potter 4, in that it gives you dementia and makes you kill students. I don’t know about you, but I certainly wouldn’t want to get lost in there.
This was actually one of the renovations that took the longest, as whilst the gang were digging up that garden they found an old, crusty book. I believe it was Pauline that brushed the dust off the cover, wafting her hand in front of her face and coughing. The old tome had writing on it, not in any language any of them had ever seen. The ancient scribbling made no sense. When they opened the book, they discovered something even more shocking.
Inside were detailed drawings of large, indescribable creatures. One had more necks than any number that could be counted up to. Another was made not from matter, but compromises. One beast was simply the word ‘beast’ written on the page, however in the unfamiliar language that they realised they were slowly beginning to understand.
Aidan’s eyes rolled into the back of his skull. When they re-emerged he had four pupils. The text in the book seemed to be starting to glow. Before long, they felt they could hear it speak. The words were not like speech, but echoes bouncing off the walls of a cave. They understood the words ‘mausoleum’ and ‘arithmetic’, but most of the other words just sound like gobbledy-gook. Some of it sounded Spanish. Words weren’t gendered, nor un-gendered. There was something called Falegisnt, that was essentially a gooey noun.
All of a sudden, bright lights shone out of the book. One of the great beasts emerged, starting the ritual. Blood oozed from their ears as it sang. Swooping tentacles engulfed them and dragged them into ‘the dream’. In it, they felt like they had been born there. It wasn’t like a new journey, but a return home. Their lives before had been separated from this in a simple parentheses mid-sentence. This was their grand journey and each one them started to separate into atoms and become part of each other. The beast cawed and absolved them of anything they had ever done wrong.
Bliss wrapped around their skulls and for a moment they were all of life itself and simply a happy thought. They had become the dream of the beast as it fell slowly back into a deep sleep and their body’s burst into one another. As they smashed against each other all of time reversed and wrapped around itself until the whole of existence could’ve fit inside the wart on a donkey's back. An eternity inside a pin prick. And then all of it, every particle that had ever existed, became so dense it burst out in opposite directions, bumping into each other and exploding and creating until finally, after millions of years in infinite places they became stars and eco-systems and galaxies. Civilisations crumbled and burnt before their eyes as their consciousness became the battery life of the universe.
Anyway, it turned out the book was just an old Beano, and they all had carbon monoxide poisoning.
After being released from hospital, the gang created a new fire exit, put up some tables, finished work on the studio, and replaced the carbon monoxide alarms. Job well done Quarry!
Do you have any more questions about the Quarry refurbishments? Please, ask Aidan Shard on the bar. If you mention the incident, he’ll remember everything and every sun will supernova.